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Dec 18, 2009, 12:37pm

Chan Pon! :: General :: Unlimited David Works :: Only Ashes

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Topic: Only Ashes (Read 20 times)

HaeresisEXE
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I made a promise to you.

Joined: Sept 2007
Gender: Male

Posts: 323
Location: Ashford Academy

Only Ashes
« Thread Started on Nov 25, 2008, 1:34am »

I feel strangely calm, or perhaps maybe it's indifference. Often I get the two mixed up.

All my life I've kept connections with everyone I thought to be, or would later become, someone great. For a while I did that just because I wanted to use their abilities someday. I valued their skills, not their character, but after a while that changed. Networks became friendships, and for a very select few, those friendships became love and have earned a special place in my heart.

That place, was a place that wouldn't change or fade no matter how many years passed. Yet, for the first time in my life, I decided to burn one of those bridges in my heart. It took a year of careful thought, consideration, and pain to reach that decision, and yet another year to burn that bridge to ashes. It left a hole there that could never be filled or never be replaced. It is a mark that promises no future, and is only but a memory of happier times.

That person doesn't know what I've done, and I don't think I'd ever let her know. I often dreamt that maybe we could have a future together, and that I would have the honor of becoming her knight that would strike away her fears and insecurities.

I wanted to be the one who would make her dreams come true, and I would have gladly given my life to do just that.

Getting to love someone means the joy of discovery. Not just the things you share, but also each other's new and different values. And then, I think, it's the joy... of creating a new world together. But a one-sided love could never work. It is unbearingly painful. I had thought that time would allow her to see me, but I cannot wait forever and doom myself to a life of misery. Surely, it would be unfair and cruel to myself, right?

I cannot love her anymore. Not any longer. To love someone is to give them the ability to hurt you terribly, and believing that they wouldn't do that.

And I know - no, I knew - that if we did try to stay together, she would destroy me.

And so it is done, but even if I had tortured myself to the point of feeling almost nothing towards her, I am willing to try again someday... unless someone else claims my heart. Because no matter how sad and lonely today is, if you meet someone it opens up the door to a hopeful tomorrow.

But hope... such a thing that is filled with uncertainty and deceptive promise. It's almost cruel how such a fragile word is the only thing we can cling to. Well... I won't give up. Maybe in the end she'll realize what she missed.

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"The cruel yet gentle embrace of time will wash everything away... that's why... today I can live by relying on your warmth."

"Anyone can choose how to die. It's choosing how to live that's hard." Angel M.L., RIP

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